The man in me will hide sometimes to keep from bein’ seen,
But that’s just because he doesn’t want to turn into some machine.
Took a woman like you
To get through to the man in me.

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Ok… So, I haven’t written for a while. I mean, for a while.  I had my reasons, which I am not really go into.  All I want to say is:

Either do not fucking pretend to be interdisciplinary.  Or do not be interdisciplinary – you DO NOT have to.  You do not have to necessarily be interdisciplinary.  It does NOT make you cool or any cooler.

That’s it.

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I haven’t posted anything for a while. Partly because I have been busy and also because I have been slacking on quite a lot of things.

The semester has ended like a month ago, this means I’ll start writing my dissertation in the coming academic year.  For the first time in my university career, I received a GPA of 4, which is great news. Also, I started to take intensive French courses from the summer school but I think I have made a mistake, as I don’t have much energy left to study at home after 5 hours of French everyday.  And the other stuff that I have to do and the hot weather doesn’t really help. C’est difficile!

Other than that, I quit smoking last Saturday. So, it has been a week. I have handled it quite well with few nicotine deficiency attacks (or whatever they are called), and I’m pretty well at the moment.

Anyway, off to studying French now so that I can go out tonight.

Ben ve lisansüstü programdan arkadaşım Fırat dalga geçerek günün gazetesini okuyoruz. Dikkat ederseniz haberler genelde çok kötü yazılıyorlar ve bu şekilde okumaya eğiliminiz varsa oldukça komik oluyorlar – bir şeyleri çok ciddiye alan birisi değilseniz. Fırat’la olan konuşmalarımız da genelde bu şekilde, böyle bir bilinç-akışıyla gidiyor.

Bu videoyu ofisimizde çektik, tavan oldukça yüksek olduğundan ve içerisi oldukça boş olduğundan ses bir miktar yankı yapmış. Bir süre genişekran/16:9 olan bu videoyu Quicktime’da encode etme problemi yaşadıktan sonra sorunu hallettim ve birkaç ufak tefek montajla bu hale getirdim.

*: Videoda yanıtı var.

[FYI: The video is in Turkish] I and Firat – a friend from grad school – is reading the news on the newspaper in a mocking way. News are written very badly if you pay attention and they are quite funny if you have that tendency or unless you are someone who takes things really seriously. This is sort of how our speech goes with Firat, with this kind of stream of consciousness.

We shot this in our office; because the ceiling is quite high and the office is quite empty, there is some echo in the sound. After having some problems with widescreen/16:9 encoding, I solved the issues by playing with the settings manually, and with a couple of editing I came up with this.

Tell that it sucks?

To be drunk? To be in love? To have a lot of things to do the next day? And have little energy?

It’s this weather – and her – that’s killinf (excuse the alcohol for the typo) me. But she’ll never and ever and never and ever and so on know this.

Failing to reach the expectations is neither sad nor important.  What is bad is the realization that not much has changed in your life when you wake up the next morning, after you have reached your expectations.

How pathetic.

One of my instructors was abroad for two weeks (that was a month ago) and we had make up courses for three weeks. Three more hours for the course, every week. Sleeping a total of ten hours in three days, trying to read 200 pages (a week) of contemporary philosophy for a single course.  I am not complaining, pushing your limits is a good way to see what you can actually do if you have to.

I have also been making up for the non-consumed alcohol and cigarettes.  For some reason, I am very much into alcohol abuse, ah, and also cigarette abuse if there is such a thing. There are quite a lot of things I abuse actually. Maybe, not abuse but things that I exceed my limits.

And this post is written just to mark this day, for those who understand what I actually mean here.

Procrastination Loop

A friend of mine has sent this to me, and I was like “oh my god, this is me!” Well, procrastinators look alike.

When I turn my personal computer (a desk-top IBM-compatible) on, it makes a little sound. This little sound I sometimes playfully interpret as a cheerful ‘Good morning’ greeting, for the action of bringing my computer to life usually happens first thing in the morning, when I sit down at my desk, a cup of tea at my side, to begin the day’s work. In conjunction with my cup of tea, the sound helps to prepare me emotionally and physically for the working day ahead, a day that will involve much tapping on the computer keyboard and staring into the pale blue face of the display monitor, when not reading or looking out the window in the search for inspiration. I am face-to-face with my computer for far longer than I look into any human face. I don’t have a name for my personal computer, nor do I ascribe it a gender (although I know some people do; see, for example, Stone, 1992:81). However, I do have an emotional relationship with the computer, which usually makes itself overtly known when something goes wrong. Like most other computer users, I have experienced impatience, anger, panic, anxiety and frustration when my computer does not do what I want it to, or breaks down. I have experienced files that have been lost, printers failing to work, the display monitor losing its colour, disks that can’t be read, a computer virus, a breakdown in the system that stopped me using the computer or email. I live in fear that a power surge will short-circuit my computer, wiping the hard disk, or that the computer will be stolen, and I assiduously make back-up copies of my files. For some years now (since I first learnt how to use word-processing package in 1986), I have relied on computers to write. I have written whole articles and books without printing out a hard copy until the penultimate draft. I cannot imagine how it must have been in the ‘dark ages’ when people had to write PhDs and books without using a computer. I can type much faster than I write with a pen. A pen now feels strange, awkward and slow in my hand, compared to using a keyboard. When I type, the words appear on the screen almost as fast as I formulate them in my head. There is for me, a seamless transition of thought to word on the screen.

from; Lupton, Deborah.  “The Embodied Computer/User.”  Cyberspace/Cyberbodies/Cyberpunk: Cultures of Technological Embodiment.  Eds. Mike Featherstone and Roger Burrows.  London: Sage, 1995.  97-112.

Track: On the Wing Again
Artist: John Surman
Album: Such Winters of Memory
Label: ECM

Just to mark this day. Good night.

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